Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I Did Not Know...
I did not know when I found out that I was pregnant last year that I wanted another baby; in fact I would have insisted otherwise at the time. We thought our family was complete with three kids, and that was just my husband being nice. Then number four came along-proof that sometimes you really shouldn't go to bed angry lest you throw caution to the wind while making up. When my husband returned from his ten day camping trip that year I had quite the story for him! We were able to laugh because really, we had known better.
The fifth baby announcement that I made was a different story all together. It was followed by a very, very long silence and truly took us by surprise. I had just been told that my thyroid condition would likely make me infertile and since I had already lost a tube to an ectopic pregnancy a couple years back, we really thought our chubby-baby days were over. Things were tight financially (and this was before Steve lost his job) and both of us were well aware that the flood of unsolicited public opinion was not going to be kind; in fact it was fierce. Mean, mean things were said by people we love.
We were afraid and did not want to stand out and face additional scrutiny, knowing that some people do actually stand around and wait to watch you fall.
God reminded me of Nehemiah during that time. He told me to stop staring at the rubble and focus on Him. He also reminded me that he calls his disciples away from the crowd, out of the safety of the boat, into the storm.
I am so glad that he gives us the opportunity to obey Him.
I had no idea that I wanted another baby-girl to love. I can not express more fully how tender a gift she has been to our family. God knows us. He knows our needs even before we do. She was perfectly chosen for such a time as this. I am glad he knew then, what I didn't yet understand.